The Weight of Honor

By Dr. Eli Lizorkin-Girzhel

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God inscribed eternal truths in stone through Moses on Mount Sinai, where heaven and earth converged. The Ten Commandments remain unbreakable pillars of our existence on this verdant planet, guiding us toward harmony with God and one another. Among them, one commandment shines with unique prominence:

“Honor your father and your mother, so that your days may be prolonged on the land which the Lord your God gives you” (Exo 20:12).

The Exclusive Depth of Kabed

The Torah of Moses commands ancient Israel—and by extension, all who seek wisdom—to honor parents with unparalleled specificity. Surprisingly, this profound mandate applies solely to parents. We are not commanded to “honor” kings, prophets, or community elders in the same profound way. The Hebrew term כַּבֵּד (kabed) is reserved for parents and for God alone—no one else (at least that is the case in the Torah itself)! This deep difference can only be fully understood in Hebrew.

Some might object, citing, “You shall stand up before the gray head and honor the face of an elder” (Lev 19:32). However, upon closer examination of the Hebrew, the verb is not כַּבֵּד (kabed) but הָדַר (hadar), which conveys adornment, glorification, or respectful deference—a related, yet distinctly different concept.

The Profound Meaning of “Weight”

The Hebrew verb כַּבֵּד (kabed), employed in the Ten Commandments (Exo 20:12 and Deut 5:16), carries the profound idea of “weight” or “heaviness.” “To kabed” means, first and foremost in the mind and heart, to ascribe weight, substance, and supreme importance to one’s parents. It involves refusing to view them as fleeting shadows but rather as vital anchors in our lives, deserving our deepest respect and devotion.

To illustrate these concepts further, the opposite of honor (כָּבוֹד, kavod), which evokes “heaviness,” is dishonor (קָלוֹן, kalon), rooted in the idea of “lightness”. Dishonor renders someone unimportant, inconsequential, and light—like a feather drifting in the wind, ignored. Honor, by contrast, acknowledges their God-given parental worth, dignity, weight, and irreplaceable role in our lives.

The Severity of Dishonor

To underscore the commandment’s gravity, the Torah of Moses declares that whoever curses a parent must be put to death (Exo 21:17; Lev 20:9). The Hebrew verb for “curse,” קַלֵּל (kalel), stands as the direct opposite of כַּבֵּד (kabed). It conveys treating someone lightly, disrespectfully, and inconsequentially.

In today’s world, far removed from biblical society, this penalty sounds shocking and even unacceptable. However, when unbelievers disagree with the Bible, they implicitly claim that God was wrong and they are right. Believers humbly accept that they are wrong when they disagree with the Bible and seek to align their thinking with biblical wisdom.

The Family as Moral Foundation

Parents are the first divine representatives we encounter—the ones who give us life, exercise authority over us, provide care, and hold out the promise of a bright future. They act on behalf of God for a significant portion of our lives. This reality establishes the family as the primary training ground for moral character, where a child learns how to relate to others in appropriate ways (Eph 6:1-4). Research in psychology consistently affirms what theology has long proclaimed: secure attachment to parents in childhood forms the blueprint for trust, empathy, and healthy relationships throughout life.

In essence, if the relationship with parents is healthy and rightly ordered, then relationships with a spouse, boss, business partner, neighbor, and others (including the children that will follow) will, in most cases, follow suit.

For the Child of an Abusive Parent

To a child who has been through trauma, the order to “honor” can feel like a betrayal. However, the term “kabed” does not imply allowing yourself to be harmed. It can be achieved by bestowing sacred significance upon truth and self-preservation. Honor can mean being sad about the loss of the ideal parent or respecting your own God-given worth by setting limits. To break the cycle of abuse is a very honorable thing to do. It indicates that you care about the relationship and want to make things better in the future. The process of healing becomes a sacred task as it brings the damaged relationship before God.

To the Parent Wronged by a Child

A child’s dishonor hurts a parent’s soul and upsets the natural order. The power to endure must originate from a source more profound than human reciprocity. The Torah brilliantly connects honoring God with honoring parents, reminding us that our ultimate worth comes from the unchanging honor of our Heavenly Father. From that affirmation, a parent can practice the painful honor of release—respecting the child’s agency without retaliation, mirroring God’s patient love. This love, which is full of grace, becomes a spiritual legacy. The parent lives with honor from a source that no one can take away.

Conclusion

In our fractured world, where family ties often weaken under the pressures of modern life, this ancient commandment calls us back to something profound and life-giving. The Hebrew call to kabed—to give weight, substance, and sacred importance to our parents—reminds us that honoring them is not about blind obedience or ignoring pain. It is about recognizing their God-given role as the first human anchors in our story, even as we navigate the complexities of real relationships.

When we listen with intention, forgive with generosity, set healthy boundaries where needed, and remain faithfully present, we embody this kabed. We mirror God’s own steadfast faithfulness. In doing so, we honor our earthly parents and weave our personal journeys into the larger narrative of redemption that God is writing through His people.

May we embrace this sacred heaviness—not as a burden, but as a pathway to true life and lasting blessing. For when families reflect the weight of genuine honor, they become places of healing, hope, and light—illuminating the way toward deeper harmony with God and one another.

Let us carry this commandment forward with joy, knowing that in honoring our parents, we honor the God of Israel who first gave us life.